My Defining Moment

I have always been what some might call a sexual deviant, I consider it expanding my pleasure. As a young adolescent I fantasized about sex with my father or brother. I had sexual encounters with my best friends and masturbated nightly. I had a small dog that I allowed to lick me as I masturbated and continued that practice as I grew. As a teen I acted out and was disobedient to my father, always. If he said do ,I didn’t. I wanted him to take control of me but the more he tried the harder I fought. Little did I know this was the beginning of a long journey to submission.
As I became a young woman my mother would always tell me sex was for making babies and at times she would call me a tramp if I had too much make up or dressed too sexy. I have always been feminine and enjoyed dressing sexy and appealing to a man.
I have always had an older man. I know know it was because I was looking for my Master. I have experimented with men in BDSM and enjoyed the sexual play but I would push the limits with the men I married and dated. I wanted them to control me and felt they didn’t know how. I became very frustrated and felt like I would never meet my Master.
Then I met Him. I knew in my heart he was the one that could take control of my mind,spirit and body. But how? I knew he was a Dominant and I knew he really liked sexual control and punishment. That was all I really knew. I have never had sexual fulfillment like I have had with Him. I knew he had sexual relations with other women while we are married and some I participated in and some I watched. I was ok with this because I knew what a huge sexual appetite he had and that I couldn’t fulfill all his needs. He likes a woman that can take a lot of pain and he likes variety. I knew he loved me and this activity had nothing to do with his love for me.
I gave him my heart completely but that was all. Life got in the way and we started to lead different lives for years.
I had told him many times in the past that I wanted him to take control of me. He always told me he couldn’t take it. He never explained and I never knew what he was talking about. What had I done wrong? I was losing the one I would give every thing to.
I thought, ok , this is over between us. He wants something I can’t give him. What did they have I didn’t? Why couldn’t he teach me. I had read his emails and I knew one of his subs was a novice and he was teaching her.
Then I knew I had to fight for him. I loved him and would do anything to please him and make him happy. Then, like a light switch being turned on, I realized what he had been telling me all along, “submission” is a gift that I have to”give” to him. My whole attitude changed that day. I experienced such joy and happiness that I continue to giggle and smile today. It feels so liberating ( and I always thought I was a very liberated woman). I think of him 24/7 and I get wet just thinking of ways I can please him. I am still a novice and eagerly learning everything he can teach me, and I greedily read everything I can get my hands on. I am willing to give my life over to serve and please my Master.